Why Do I Do What I Do?

Why is it the more I try to change the more things stay the same?
Why do all the poems I try to write sound so trite and lame?

Please tell me why. Cuz I don't have a clue.
Why, oh why, do I do what I do?


Really? Why do I do what I do? Why do I do everything that I do?

Why is it I can think deeply on a plethora of topics...
Why is it that can love & appreciate the skill and cleverness of dope lyrics...
Why is it I can take your average song & make it better...

But when it comes to writing my own song/rap/poem I struggle to put two lines together?
Why do I always seem to have start off with someone elses idea & flow?
And then I just change the words to "make it" my own. I don't know!

It seems like the only times I write anything worth reading or repeating
Are the rare times the words seem to pour out from within.
It's like a fountain deep within my soul.
I can't even the fathom the fathoms of it's depth.

And then it's GONE !!!

In the blink of an eye...
Quick as a jackrabbit...

...It up and vanishes like a fart in the wind.

I dig deep to again find the source.
But it eludes me like peace in the middle east.

But I keep digging until my body is tired and aches
Exhausted and still finding nothing I collapse.
Was the torrent of a river just a mental mistake?
Was it really real? Or did my grip on reality temporaily lapse?

Why did I have to go so far? Push myself to the brink?
My words stand before me in black & white, paper & ink.
The testify to the truth, that the spring buried deep in my soul,
Won't ever run dry, and the fiery passion can't grow cold.

But it's only when I'm broken that I can be truly made whole.
Liquid lava of love flows out from within to fill the hole.

When the truth DOES come out...
When I share it from a stage...
When I try to get you to measure... my love.

My love for the words
My love for the truth
When you try to measure my love in numbers of course you won't get it.

So don't throw up 10's or 9's the next time pour my soul into a microphone so it doesn't go to my head.
Don't throw up 8's or 7's the next you see my heart beating on the floor because it's not deep enough to hold it.
In fact don't give me any numbers... Instead give me your heart in return.

Why do what I do?
It's not for the numbers,
But so I can share my heart with you.


Loz: Wind Waker

So the weirdest thing happened just before Christmas. I was talking with some of the boys from the junior high group at church near the end of the first service on Sunday morning. I happened to mention that I only had a Nintendo 64 game system. They were of course flabbergasted. Most of them now have Playstation 3's or Xbox 360's while I'm still 2 generations back. In fact, one of the boys said that he has a Nintendo GameCube and a bunch of games for it that isn't going to play anymore because he just got a Playstation 3. In fact his mother had been bugging him to find a friend to give it to or she was going to throw it out in the trash.

Lo & behold, when I came out of the second service there he & his mother stood with a big bag and handed it to me. His mother said "Here you go, have a belated wedding gift" I was elated by this gift. I'm not so sure about my wife though.

Anyways, over the past month or so I've been playing the game Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. It's a pretty cool game. The controls are a little awkward at times. But overall it's a great game. After 2 or 3 plays I was able to quickly get the first 3 orbs and the master sword. I know I'm supposed to go on to the fortress to fight Ganon the 1st time. But right now I'm doing as much exploring, puzzle solving, and trading I can until I can't do anymore.

The hardest process is getting the specifics of each region on the map. I still only have 75% of the board mapped. I'm anxious to play the rest of the Zelda games for GameCube.

Now here is my main beef with gaming systems. I love to play video games. But being an adult who has many interests I can't justify spending hundreds of dollars on a system and then $40 to $60 per game when I really only want to play once every week or so and only 2 or 3 games until the next generation is out. This is what happened with N64 in my years at the end of high school & before college. I bought the system just because I wanted to play Zelda. It turned out to be an awesome game. But that's the only game I had. They only came out with one other Zelda game for 64. And I heard from many people that it wasn't very good. Plus !! I'd have buy a $40 memory expansion slot in order to play it. yeah RIGHT!


Dr. Horrible

Friend's turned me onto Dr Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog a month ago. They played the whole thing for us on the tv from their iPhone. It was awesome. And I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO not a musical kind of guy. But Neil Patrick Harris playing a singing evil mad scientist who posts video blogs about his plots, well what's NOT to love?

Well I finally bought the soundtrack from iTunes a few days ago. It's been on constant rotation in my iPod since. I'm seriously thinking of buying the DVD from Amazon. Apparently it has a whole new set of songs as the commentary audio track.

Be sure to check the linked picture above for the official website. You can buy the full soundtrack or video through iTunes or Amazon. Be sure to check it out! It's awesome... so they say !!